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Jan. 12th, 2012 10:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tinpraTruth Spoken in Love
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:10
I'm impressed that Job listened to the words of his wife. He pondered them, he considered them, he turned them over in his mind. He neither misunderstood nor ignored her. He heard what she said, and he didn't interrupt her as she said it. That places Job in a unique category among husbands, quite frankly.
Men, I've found that most of us are not hard of hearing; we're hard of listening. Our wives frequently have the most important things to say that we will hear that day, but for some strange reason, we have formed the habit of mentally turning off their counsel.
Let me add here, when you do respond, always tell her the truth. If what she says is wise and squares with what you know to be truth---if it is helpful---then say so. And thank her. If it is not, say that. Job disagreed and said so. His response after hearing her was, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks."
Job detected in his wife a snag of bitterness, some disillusionment; so he said to her, in effect, "This is advice I cannot and will not act on. It isn't wise. It's wrong counsel, and I can't accept it."
In the four decades I've been dealing with folks who are married, I find one of the most difficult things to get couples to do is say the truth to each other. Admit when we've done wrong rather than skirt it or rationalize around it or excuse it---just say, "I was wrong." Or if we hear our mates say something we know is not wise, or we detect a questionable motive, we tend not to say the hard thing. How much better to respond, "You know, honey, I realize you've got my good at heart, but I honestly have to say that I don't agree with it. I think it is unwise for you to suggest that." In the long haul, your marriage will be healthier if you will allow truth to prevail, especially if it's truth spoken in love. Listen well, and always speak the truth wrapped in loving care.
Complete Acceptance
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:10
Because we've lived with our wives over the years and have become extremely comfortable around them, we tend to be unguarded in our words. Wives usually get the brunt of our worst words. Since this is true, let's agree today that we will restrain ourselves from verbal impurity. Job didn't make a blasphemous statement. He didn't curse God. Furthermore, he didn't curse her. As we read earlier, Job didn't call her "wicked," but "foolish."
Job may have been a public figure, but he didn't throw his weight around. It makes no difference how well known or how important you are, how long you've been married, how much money you make, or how big your company is---or your church is; no man has the right to talk down to his wife. She is your partner---your equal. Furthermore, she knows a lot of stuff on you. Someday she may write your long-awaited, unauthorized biography!
Accept her completely; love her unconditionally. A wife thrives in a context of love and acceptance. She is who she is. God has made her into the woman she has become. And may I remind you, she is the wife you chose. She has become the woman God is making her into, and that calls for complete acceptance and unconditional love on your part.
Ideally, that combination results in a deep commitment. Both of you are in this relationship for the long haul. You're there to stay. And no amount of hardship, difficulty, test, or trial will separate you. In fact, it can pull you closer.
Tragically, many a marriage is bound together by very thin, fragile threads. As tests come---from the in-laws or the children, perhaps a difficulty at birth that leads to defects in a child, or trials and tests in the business or financial realm . . . whatever---deliberately pull together and determine to hang in there. Tell her how much she means to you. Talk to her about her value in your life---how much she represents to you. When the crucible heats up, too many guys look for ways to get out.
Don't get out. Get tough with yourself and stay, no matter what.
Without Asking
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:11--13
Friends care enough to come without being asked to come. No one sent a message saying to Eliphaz and Bildad and Zophar, "Would you please come and bring a little sympathy and comfort for Job? The man is dying in this crucible of anguish and pain." That wasn't necessary, because real friends show up when someone they love is really hurting. Friends don't need an official invitation. Spontaneously, they come.
Friends respond with sympathy and comfort. Sympathy includes identifying with the sufferer. Friends do that. They enter into his or her crucible, for the purpose of feeling the anguish and being personally touched by the pain. Comfort is attempting to ease the pain by helping to make the sorrow lighter. You run errands for them. You take care of the kids. You provide a meal. You assist wherever you can assist because you want to comfort them.
Friends openly express the depth of their feelings. They have ways of doing that, don't they? It's not uncommon to see a friend standing nearby in the hospital room fighting back the tears. It's not unusual for the friend to express deep feelings. Casual acquaintances don't usually do that; genuine friends make their feelings known.
Friends aren't turned off by distasteful sights. On the contrary, they come alongside and they get as close as possible. Friends are not offended because the room has a foul smell. Friends don't turn away because the one they've come to be with has been reduced to the shell of his former self, weighing half of what he used to weigh.
Friends see beyond all of that. They don't walk away because the bottom has dropped out of your life and you're at wits' end. On the contrary, that draws them in. These men literally tore their robes, sprinkled dust on their heads, and raised their voices and sobbed as they sat down on the ground with Job. They demonstrated the depth of their anguish by staying seven days and seven nights without uttering a word.
Friends understand, so they say very little. Words are not always what they need. What they need is you.
Excerpted from Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2005). Copyright © 2005 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc.
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:10
I'm impressed that Job listened to the words of his wife. He pondered them, he considered them, he turned them over in his mind. He neither misunderstood nor ignored her. He heard what she said, and he didn't interrupt her as she said it. That places Job in a unique category among husbands, quite frankly.
Men, I've found that most of us are not hard of hearing; we're hard of listening. Our wives frequently have the most important things to say that we will hear that day, but for some strange reason, we have formed the habit of mentally turning off their counsel.
Let me add here, when you do respond, always tell her the truth. If what she says is wise and squares with what you know to be truth---if it is helpful---then say so. And thank her. If it is not, say that. Job disagreed and said so. His response after hearing her was, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks."
Job detected in his wife a snag of bitterness, some disillusionment; so he said to her, in effect, "This is advice I cannot and will not act on. It isn't wise. It's wrong counsel, and I can't accept it."
In the four decades I've been dealing with folks who are married, I find one of the most difficult things to get couples to do is say the truth to each other. Admit when we've done wrong rather than skirt it or rationalize around it or excuse it---just say, "I was wrong." Or if we hear our mates say something we know is not wise, or we detect a questionable motive, we tend not to say the hard thing. How much better to respond, "You know, honey, I realize you've got my good at heart, but I honestly have to say that I don't agree with it. I think it is unwise for you to suggest that." In the long haul, your marriage will be healthier if you will allow truth to prevail, especially if it's truth spoken in love. Listen well, and always speak the truth wrapped in loving care.
Complete Acceptance
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:10
Because we've lived with our wives over the years and have become extremely comfortable around them, we tend to be unguarded in our words. Wives usually get the brunt of our worst words. Since this is true, let's agree today that we will restrain ourselves from verbal impurity. Job didn't make a blasphemous statement. He didn't curse God. Furthermore, he didn't curse her. As we read earlier, Job didn't call her "wicked," but "foolish."
Job may have been a public figure, but he didn't throw his weight around. It makes no difference how well known or how important you are, how long you've been married, how much money you make, or how big your company is---or your church is; no man has the right to talk down to his wife. She is your partner---your equal. Furthermore, she knows a lot of stuff on you. Someday she may write your long-awaited, unauthorized biography!
Accept her completely; love her unconditionally. A wife thrives in a context of love and acceptance. She is who she is. God has made her into the woman she has become. And may I remind you, she is the wife you chose. She has become the woman God is making her into, and that calls for complete acceptance and unconditional love on your part.
Ideally, that combination results in a deep commitment. Both of you are in this relationship for the long haul. You're there to stay. And no amount of hardship, difficulty, test, or trial will separate you. In fact, it can pull you closer.
Tragically, many a marriage is bound together by very thin, fragile threads. As tests come---from the in-laws or the children, perhaps a difficulty at birth that leads to defects in a child, or trials and tests in the business or financial realm . . . whatever---deliberately pull together and determine to hang in there. Tell her how much she means to you. Talk to her about her value in your life---how much she represents to you. When the crucible heats up, too many guys look for ways to get out.
Don't get out. Get tough with yourself and stay, no matter what.
Without Asking
by Charles R. Swindoll
Read Job 2:11--13
Friends care enough to come without being asked to come. No one sent a message saying to Eliphaz and Bildad and Zophar, "Would you please come and bring a little sympathy and comfort for Job? The man is dying in this crucible of anguish and pain." That wasn't necessary, because real friends show up when someone they love is really hurting. Friends don't need an official invitation. Spontaneously, they come.
Friends respond with sympathy and comfort. Sympathy includes identifying with the sufferer. Friends do that. They enter into his or her crucible, for the purpose of feeling the anguish and being personally touched by the pain. Comfort is attempting to ease the pain by helping to make the sorrow lighter. You run errands for them. You take care of the kids. You provide a meal. You assist wherever you can assist because you want to comfort them.
Friends openly express the depth of their feelings. They have ways of doing that, don't they? It's not uncommon to see a friend standing nearby in the hospital room fighting back the tears. It's not unusual for the friend to express deep feelings. Casual acquaintances don't usually do that; genuine friends make their feelings known.
Friends aren't turned off by distasteful sights. On the contrary, they come alongside and they get as close as possible. Friends are not offended because the room has a foul smell. Friends don't turn away because the one they've come to be with has been reduced to the shell of his former self, weighing half of what he used to weigh.
Friends see beyond all of that. They don't walk away because the bottom has dropped out of your life and you're at wits' end. On the contrary, that draws them in. These men literally tore their robes, sprinkled dust on their heads, and raised their voices and sobbed as they sat down on the ground with Job. They demonstrated the depth of their anguish by staying seven days and seven nights without uttering a word.
Friends understand, so they say very little. Words are not always what they need. What they need is you.
Excerpted from Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2005). Copyright © 2005 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc.