(no subject)

[tinpra]

6/11, 11:14 pm

I am tired
Beloved
of loving you
I'm tired of the way this makes me feel
and the way this makes me hurt

I am tired
Beloved
of the way you say things knowing you'll get a rise out of me
and it being worse because I'm in love with you
Yes
I'm in love with you

I'm tired of imagining the horror in your eyes if I told you
Beloved
but I think I will
for my own sake

Because I'm tired of your being blind
and my being weak

I'm tired of seeing the light dawn in other people's eyes and having frantically to deny "No, no, no! Me in love with J'aime? Are you mad?"

Can't you see I even speak your name as I Like, I Love

I'm tired
Beloved
of settling for being your sounding board
your confidante
your 5¢ therapist
My name is not Lucy
Beloved

And I'm tired of
no matter how much you can't see it
still wanting you
And knowing how wrong you are for me
still needing you
And despite how much you hurt me
-- oh how you so casually hurt me
Beloved --
still wandering my apartment halls crying over the love of you